Wipe Your Feet

Is anybody else feeling Pauly just a little bit?

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 00:29:48 -0800

Is anybody else feeling Pauly just a little bit?

electric light orchestra — do ya

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 22:05:06 -0800

electric light orchestra — do ya

Napoleon Bonerparty

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 01:21:13 -0800

Napoleon Bonerparty

(via capriquarius) This is the image I’d like you to...

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 01:21:02 -0800

(via capriquarius)

This is the image I’d like you to associate with my Formspring. I don’t get the point of Formspring, so I’ll probably delete it pretty soon. In the meantime, write me poems based on this creepy picture, or tell me your deep-darks. Let me know what you did last summer. Even though I already Know What You Did Last Summer.

My cousin Molly and her boyfriend John made a movie called Big River Man and it got a pretty dope...

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 15:33:23 -0800

My cousin Molly and her boyfriend John made a movie called Big River Man and it got a pretty dope...

Fake Dinner Party Conversations

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 13:37:00 -0800

Bill Murray: I just thought of something. Mo’Nique: Oh honey HOLD UP. Tess:...

Gladness-Makers

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 13:03:00 -0800

Parties where for some reason there is a whole table devoted to making fancy cocktails and...

Buzz Kills

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 12:42:00 -0800

Vampire Weekend, parties with only a bottle of scary off-brand tequila and Bud Light, pedestrians...

beulah — emma blowgun’s last stand all you need is a...

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 11:23:00 -0800

beulah — emma blowgun’s last stand

all you need is a gun and a car

a country song if you don’t have the heart

Hi.

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 22:19:17 -0800

Hi.

i love u girl

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 19:59:49 -0800

i love u girl

allman bros. — midnight rider (live)

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 19:08:46 -0800

allman bros. — midnight rider (live)

At Home With Lisa Simpson (part of a really important ongoing...

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 15:32:00 -0800

At Home With Lisa Simpson

(part of a really important ongoing series)

Lisa was on her way downstairs to fix herself a tuna sandwich when she saw an unusual sight: Bart’s door was open.

Bart and Milhouse were smoking pot in the garage, something which Lisa had never seen but had been able to discern from the smells and coughs that traveled through the house’s old ventilation; she knew that they wouldn’t return for hours. She crept towards the door.

Inside, the computer screen was open to Wikipedia. Lisa sat down at his computer. What she saw gave her chills: Bart had been editing the Scientology page. Where Nancy Cartwright’s name had once appeared under the “celebrities” section, there were now the words “my butt.”

Bart’s voice was a Scientologist. How had Lisa not known this? Looking back, it all seemed so clear: when he had the flu, he only took Niacin. When he fell off his bike, he shook his fist at the heavens and cursed Xenu. When he watched Top Gun, he laughed like a maniac but refused to explain why. Lisa began to sweat.

Outside, she heard Homer emerge from the bathroom. He padded down the hall towards Bart’s room. Lisa froze. There was no way to escape.

“Oooh,” said Homer, pushing open the door. “What have we here?”

“I had to check my email and my computer froze,” said Lisa, perhaps too quickly.

Homer scratched himself and ambled over to where she sat. She tried to close the window, but it was too late — and maybe it was better that Homer know what was going on, anyway, she reasoned. She had heard that Scientologists had to disassociate with their family members who didn’t subscribe to the belief system of the church, and Homer was a (lapsed) Presbyterian who had little regard for other religions (a source of debate when the Simpsons visited their more open-minded friends; Lisa often left these dinner parties or graduation lunches burning with shame).

“Do you think your brother is a Scientist?” asked Homer. “And if he is a Scientist, do you think he could help me with my microbrewery? Or is that illegal, because he’s underage? Lisa?”

Lisa hung her head. Existence could be such a lonely thing.

Remember when Matthew Fox was the canvas on which you painted...

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 13:54:32 -0800

Remember when Matthew Fox was the canvas on which you painted your dreams? It was the mid-nineties and you were a pre-teen and he really understood you because you both took yourselves VERY VERY SERIOUSLY?

Then remember when you were watching the first season of Lost, and you expected to feel that same kind of magic, but his same Foxiness now came off as bossy and humorless and like No-Funtown? And then you saw his mugshot and realized that if your taste in people hadn’t matured over the years, you’d be one of those people who cries on their lunch break every day because life is so heavy?

tomoatmeal: If you ever show up late to an intervention, a good...

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 13:18:13 -0800

tomoatmeal:

If you ever show up late to an intervention, a good joke is to go up to the oldest woman there and pretend that she is the person who everyone is trying to convince to get help. “Oh no! You’re so weathered! And look at what the drug use has done to your skin!”

It’s harmless and also a great way to help everyone loosen up. What? Oh nevermind. The intervention is for me again.

hefner — home

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:32:00 -0800

hefner — home

The full prepared text of Obama's speech to cadets at West Point on the war in Afghanistan (via the NY Times)

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 18:51:19 -0800

The full prepared text of Obama's speech to cadets at West Point on the war in Afghanistan (via the...

How to be Unemployed in Wintertime

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 15:47:26 -0800

How to be Unemployed in Wintertime: distorte: (I wrote this) Yes.

On Intervention last night, I watched as a woman named Linda shrieked her way through explaining...

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 15:20:29 -0800

On Intervention last night, I watched as a woman named Linda shrieked her way through explaining...

boggle: switchblades:hamburgerskeleton:grace-notes:jhnbrssndn: ...

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 15:11:41 -0800

boggle:

switchblades:hamburgerskeleton:grace-notes:jhnbrssndn:

R.E.M.: Orange Crush