I hope you never lose your final set of undies,

You get your fill to eat but still you get the munchies,

May you never shake my hand while sweaty-handed

God forbid you miss the bus that leaves you stranded

I hope you never miss it when they play “Slow Motion”

And never dunk your head into hand lotion

Promise me that you will wear your skinny pants

And if they ask you to be prime minister of France

Go govern France…Go govern France.

I hope you never see mountian lions in the distance

Never forget to purchase me a Mac for Christmas

Dinner might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’

It won’t be a mistake to add some bacon

Don’t let some hell-bent okra make you shiver

When the slime is gone the taste it will deliver

Give this two-buck wine a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to take a trip to Alamance

I hope you book in advance…book in advance.