On having a fever:

- you start with Dr. Wu

- then you eat pastina (it doesn’t look like this)

- you wonder, will I die?

- and if you don’t die, will you have to take out all of the trash cans overflowing with tissues?

- you look at all of these pictures while sweating hot venom onto your keyboard

- you try a cold bath, which feels like this

- or maybe like this

- you wander into the kitchen and stand there feeling lost and as though you’re under water

- you drink all of the things

- you put on a sweatshirt, which is the worst mistake

- you get into bed and sink into your soul basement

- you wake up ten minutes later and think it’s been seven hours

- you cry because you forgot to mention muse’s second performance on SNL because you were dying when you wrote your recap

- you lie back in bed feeling just so

- time passes as you wish for three illegally huge ice-cold 7Ups that you don’t have and will never obtain

- you pretend that you have school tomorrow and that you just got the golden ticket

- you are sick, so you believe your own lie

- you wake up the next day and realize it’s columbus day so even if you were in school, you would have had the day off anyway

- but at least your fever is gone

- then again, so are all of the drinkable liquids in your house

- except a beer

- good thing beer has curative properties

- except by midnight your fever is back again because beer actually doesn’t cure fevers

- repeat until fever is gone