“…I will rent a golden retriever puppy…” (8/1/12)

“and there will be wine they say” (12/7/10)

“There will be wine and cheese” (6/5/08)

“if you wanna go to the space dog museum with us or just have a beer” (5/18/12, had to miss due to extenuating circumstances but experienced strong feelings of regret)

“Yo, does u think an alien wrote those words, like in the language of da aliens” (8/26/10)

“Think a female version of “Chef” from South Park” (10/27/08, submitted but was not cast because I am white)

“It’s free” (7/9/12, 11/22/11, 7/27/11, 1/6/10, etc)

“There is pay” (7/19/08, 12/11/07)

“Plis girlfriend, plis plis plis” (4/18/11)

“i also baked a batch of cheddar bay biscuits, you know like the ones at red lobster. i’m doing deliveries.” (7/24/11)

Lines From Emails That Do The Opposite*:

“Each week we will cut foods and introduce foods to alter our diet.” (1/29/08)

“Chi gong practice.” (1/29/08)

“We have all seen how the changes have positively impacted her life (she looks and feels good every single day), her career (she gets to kiss Patrick Dempsey!) and her relationships (she’s engaged!).” (1/29/08)

“Do you feel pretty? Do you feel good? 

Not so much?” (1/30/08)

“The class will cost $1,295.00” (1/18/10)

“HELP SELL YOU” (9/17/09)

“YOUR FUTURE is at stake!” (9/10/08)

*these are all from the same person.