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Fake Dinner Party Conversations
Tess: [pushes Sadie’s head off her lap, where she is begging for scraps under the table] Sorry, this is so embarrassing.
Cesar Millan: This dog, she needs to be rehabilitated.
Tess: Rehabilitated?
Cesar Millan: And you, her owner, you need to be train.
Tess: You want to train me? You guys?
Dov Charney: [masturbates]
Cate Blanchett: I’ve really got to go.
Dov Charney: [looms over Cate Blanchett while masturbating]
Cate Blanchett: Frankly, I’m quite upset with you, Tess. I’m going to stop taking your calls. You invited me to a dinner party, but it seems to me I’ve walked in on some sort of circus act. [shoves Dov away] And why is he in a gold leotard?
Tess: Dov, I asked you to try to tone down the outfits.
Dov Charney: [motions at his legwarmers]
Cesar Millan: He is only trying to assert dominance. If you want to be a leader of your pack…
Tess: [near tears] I just don’t want him to ruin my friendship with Cate! He’s really offending her! I just don’t want him to ruin my dinner party! Dov, seriously!
[Cesar Millan approaches Dov Charney, touches him on the nose and makes a shushing noise at him. Dov Charney crouches and wimpers in his chair, melting down to a sitting position. He resumes eating his dinner. Cesar Millan offers a hand to Cate Blanchett, to shake]
Cate Blanchett: I’m…unsure of how you did that. Or what you did, even.
Cesar Millan: I did not hit him, I only touched him.
Posted on November 2, 2009 with 22 notes
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bringpinkwater
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tesslynch
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