PROSECUTOR: Your honor, we now call to the stand a Mrs. Anne Pike.

[ANNE PIKE FLOATS DOWN FROM THE CEILING HOLDING AN UMBRELLA]

ANNE PIKE: Good morning.

PROSECUTOR: Good morning. Now, Mrs. Pike, you were in a telephone booth across the street from the scene of the homicide. What did you see?

ANNE PIKE: I made a diorama.

[ANNE PIKE PRODUCES A DIORAMA FROM HER PURSE. IT IS TOO BIG TO HAVE FIT IN THERE. THE FIGURES INSIDE START MOVING.]

PROSECUTOR: Just in case the jury can’t see, Mrs. Pike, can you describe what happened?

ANNE PIKE: Sure. A man in a handlebar moustache had all of this rope —

PROSECUTOR: Is this the rope in question?

[PROSECUTOR HOLDS UP A ROPE]

ANNE PIKE: No, it was kind of like this.

[ANNE PIKE KNITS A ROPE IN FIVE SECONDS, USING HER FINGERS BUT NO NEEDLES]

PROSECUTOR: Excellent.

DEFENSE: Objection! Objection! How can we be sure that was the rope? I’ve never seen that rope before.

JUDGE: Overruled. That was a neat trick, Mrs. Pike.

ANNE PIKE: Thanks!

[ANNE PIKE SHOOTS RAINBOWS OUT OF HER FINGERS IN THE DIRECTION OF THE JUDGE. BABY DUCKS ENTER THE COURTROOM IN A LINE]

JUDGE: Ducks!

ANNE PIKE: I learned that last Saturday.

PROSECUTOR: Please continue, Mrs. Pike. [PROSECUTOR KNEELS TO GATHER SOME DUCKS AND HOLDS THEM TO HIS CHEST] What did the man with the moustache do with the rope?

ANNE PIKE: He tied up a young woman and put her on the railroad tracks.

PROSECUTOR: Just when the train was coming?

ANNE PIKE: Yeah, I could hear it from the phone booth. It went [TRAIN NOISE COMES OUT OF ANNE PIKE’S MOUTH, FOLLOWED BY STEAM].

DEFENSE: Objection! Theatrical!

JUDGE: Sustained. Too weird.

ANNE PIKE: I apologize, your honor. Anyway, the train was coming and there was nothing any of us could do but stand by in horror.

PROSECUTOR: Do you see the man who tied the victim to the tracks in the courtroom today, Mrs. Pike?

ANNE PIKE: Hmm, let me see. Oh, yes! There he is, second row, right there!

PROSECUTOR: Please indicate who you’re talking about?

[LIGHTS IN COURTROOM GO OUT, BUT FOR A SPOTLIGHT ON A GUY WITH A MOUSTACHE IN THE SECOND ROW. A HOVERING NEON ARROW POINTS TO HIS MOUSTACHE. HE TRIES TO SWAT THE ARROW AWAY, BUT IT BITES HIS HAND]

MOUSTACHED MAN: My hand!

DEFENSE: Objection! Bodily harm, your honor. Seriously disruptive.

JUDGE: Arrow, I’ll hold you in contempt.

[ARROW COUGHS AND LEAVES THROUGH THE  BACK, FOLLOWED BY ONE DUCK]

PROSECUTOR: And when the train hit the victim, Mrs. Pike, what did the man with the moustache do?

ANNE PIKE: He twirled his moustache around his fingers, itched under his top hat, and went into Panera for a little while. Later he came out with a turkey sandwich, but it was gristly so he returned it.

PROSECUTOR: How did you know that his sandwich was gristly, Mrs. Pike?

ANNE PIKE: He made this face. [A PROJECTION APPEARS ON THE FAR WALL WITH THE MOUSTACHED MAN’S GRISTLE FACE ON IT]

PROSECUTOR: Item number five-eleven G, gristle-face. Jurors, this is the face of a murderer.

DEFENSE: Objection!

MOUSTACHED MAN: I was taped?!

ANNE PIKE: I have a photographic memory.

[QUACKING]

PROSECUTOR: Mrs. Pike, how did you feel when you watched this awful spectacle take place from the phone booth?

ANNE PIKE: It’s hard to explain.

[PROJECTION OF A CLIP FROM BATTLESHIP POTEMKIN APPEARS ON FAR WALL, WITH ANNE PIKE DRESSED IN PERIOD GEAR WATCHING A BABY CARRIAGE FALL DOWN A LONG FLIGHT OF STAIRS]

ANNE PIKE: And kind of like…hmm…

[RAIN STARTS TO FALL IN COURTROOM. A LITTLE LIGHTNING BOLT STRIKES THE JUSTICE SCALES]

ANNE PIKE: Shoot, was that metal?

PROSECUTOR: I think that’s all. Thank you, Mrs. Pike. You’ve been an incredible witness.

[DUCKLINGS PLAY IN THE RAIN AS A SHORT RECESS IS CALLED]