January 2012
carrieabigstick:
múm - we have a map of a piano
Wednesday Story Time
Bob was having a nightmare. In it, he was wearing a prom dress, even though he was thirty-two years old. The prom dress was covered with sequins and stank like pee. Bob, in his nightmare, felt ashamed of himself, so he opened the closet door to hide inside. Thousands of dead batteries tumbled out, covering Bob and leaking acid all over his prom dress. Bob cried out for help, but nobody was around;...
Nice Stalking with You
My favorite fictional stalkers, over at Grantland.
The Incredible Witness
PROSECUTOR: Your honor, we now call to the stand a Mrs. Anne Pike.
[ANNE PIKE FLOATS DOWN FROM THE CEILING HOLDING AN UMBRELLA]
ANNE PIKE: Good morning.
PROSECUTOR: Good morning. Now, Mrs. Pike, you were in a telephone booth across the street from the scene of the homicide. What did you see?
ANNE PIKE: I made a diorama.
[ANNE PIKE PRODUCES A DIORAMA FROM HER PURSE. IT IS TOO BIG TO HAVE FIT...
adriano celentano —...
van morrison — into the mystic
The Yuppie's Lament
Hello, I’m an angry white yuppie who lives in the Silver Lake neighborhood of California. Recently it’s become nearly impossible for me to relax, due to the hardships I face every day. For instance, this afternoon I saw a young woman laden with bags of (I presume) disgusting vegan cuisine from Trader Joe’s trying to cross the street. In front of my sports utility vehicle, which...
People Who Hate Ryan Murphy
I’m always in awe of people who create characters and stories that are so engaging that people send them death threats and scathing hate mail when they tinker with their creations. Of course, this is in many ways the highest form of flattery — your fiction lights people on fire with rage! — but skimming hash tags for #ihateryanmurphy is also sort of sad. When did Ryan Murphy stop...
sweet — wig wam bam
Goodbye, 2011. Let us celebrate you with excerpts from reviews of the movie New Year’s Eve!
“‘New Year’s Eve’ is a depressing two-hour infomercial” — The New York Times
“There is one small moment, courtesy of Berry, that feels emotionally honest. It’s probably not even as good as I’m remembering, but comparatively it’s Olivier doing Shakespeare”...
December 2011
funkadelic — can you get to that
learning to thrill — wiz khalifa x tom petty...
How Do I Find Time to Blog When My Life is So...
About a million times a day, people ask me how to find time to blog when their lives are so busy. “I know blogging is important, because my followers depend on me for information about what I’m wearing, how I look, and what things I hate. But lately, I’ve been so busy eating egg rolls and buying things with which to make more egg rolls, I just don’t have the time!”...
camera obscura — number one son
1 tag
I have over-saturated your internet today. I’m sorry. It began with a post about the X Factor on Grantland, and continued (and will now end) with a post about Five Dollar Friday at GOOD. Remember Five Dollar Friday? I hoped it would explode and become a phenomenon, but it never did, maybe because $5 became less and less expendable; even so, it was one of the most fun and most rewarding...
john cale — all my friends (cover)
Watching "Melancholia" Is Like
Staring at a broken egg timer waiting for it to go off while you listen to a CocoRosie song slowed to 1/30th speed.
Taking four hours to eat a bowl of oatmeal, no butter, no sugar, no syrup, uncooked, with a hair in it.
Listening to a radio play that was originally written in Swedish, then translated into German, and finally into English. In the dark. With a stranger who won’t stop...
1 tag
November 2011
Make a Party
I like to spend time alone. I think it’s a lot of fun. I tend to fixate on activities, which is vaguely anti-social considering the fact that most people like to do one thing for a while and then move on, so alone time allows me to give myself permission to do something for five plus hours at a time. I like that. Whether I am playing video games, writing, or watching Hulu, nobody can...
irma thomas — it’s raining
I have an essay over at Grantland today. I really hope you like it, because writing for Grantland was an honor — the kind of honor that makes you feel very small, like you could clear some space in the center console of your car and climb into it, closing the lid so nobody can see you, hear you, or read you and think “Why is this person taking up space on a website written by way...
Sunday Story Time
Marcia walked into Trader Joe’s. It was empty: that was strange. She grabbed three kiwis, a bottle of lemonade, and some plain vanilla cake mix. She approached the register and set her basket on the shelf. The man behind the register had a scruffy white-blond beard and wore a bandana around his head.
“Did you find everything okay?” he asked. “This cake mix is...
1 tag
belle & sebastian — the boy with the...
the marshall tucker band — can’t you...
the ink spots — coquette
badly drawn boy — the shining
October 2011
