american analog set — know by heart

eceu:

(tumblr folks: click through to the actual post to see the videos)

mp3: I’m in Love with a Girl - Big Star

delfonics — didn’t i (blow your mind this time)

[doorbell sounds]

Tess: [opens door] Hello? Hello? [closes door]

[doorbell sounds again, immediately]

Tess: Weird. [opens door] Hello?

David Bowie’s voice: Hello! It’s David!

Tess: Are you on the roof?

David Bowie’s voice: Girl, I’m standing right before you.

Tess: Ha-ha.

[beat]

David Bowie’s voice: No, really. It’s a mystical illusion.

Tess: Well, would you like to come inside?

David Bowie’s voice: If you turn around, you’ll see I’m already inside.

[Tess turns around as David Bowie leaps down from the ceiling]

Tess: Ahhh!

Chef Gordon Ramsay: Hey, madam, quit your shrieking, yeah?

David Bowie: Ramsay, ease up. She’s just…a little…girl.

Chef Gordon Ramsay: She’s a mule. Ah, bugger off, the two of you!

Dr. Phil McGraw: Hey now! Why’re we all yellin in the hallway?

Tess: I’d like to get us all to sit down, if I could. [to David] That was a cool trick, but Chef Ramsay is easily set off by things. By everything. It’s best to try to keep things…calm. Controlled.

Dr. Phil McGraw: Now, if you listen to what she’s saying, and correct me if I’m wrong: she wants control of the situation.

Chef Gordon Ramsay: Psychobabble! His views are f****** dismal! Every guest on his show — some donkey!

Dr. Phil McGraw: Mister, I sense a hostility from you that I do not abide by, I’m serious. Check out Robin over there at the table. Are you lonesome, sweetheart?

[Robin waves from the dining room]

David Bowie: I apologize if my little feat of magic was too dazzling for our easily aroused compatriots. Let’s drink to heathenism, sequins, and the cosmic orgy of the universe! [produces steaming goblets]

Chef Gordon Ramsay: [sips from goblet] Oh dear oh dear oh dear. [spits into a cocktail napkin] This steaming glahss of over-hyped stodge tastes like a tempura-fried skunk tail from the waste-bin.

Dr. Phil McGraw: [to David Bowie] Hey pal, it’s my impression that you’re just throwin’ that stuff down your throat! Now I’m givin’ you my professional opinion that that sorta drinking is problematic. Everybody likes a cocktail in a goblet at a BBQ now n’ then, or a scorpion bowl at a season three wrap party, or a pony keg at a cousin’s wedding, but the way you’re goin’ at it it’s like you’re in the frat house and all the sigma chis are fist-poundin’ and hell-raisin’, and the girls in the back are cheerin’, goin’, “Hey Slugger, slug it on down,” and so you’re doin’ it and they’re throwin’ panties — the girls, just the girls are throwin’ ‘em — sorry Robin but they are — and then SMACK! You’re out, and then you come to and you look around and you’re in the hospital and you know why?

Chef Gordon Ramsay: [pinching the bridge of his nose] Why’s that, then?

Dr. Phil McGraw: Because you poisoned your own liver, dummy.

David Bowie: Poison? My own liver? Doctor, I’ve never heard of that before in my life.

Dr. Phil McGraw: Sure thing, buddy, I’m a medical doctor and I’m tellin’ you I see it every single day.

Robin: [from the dining room] It’s true! Can I say something?

Chef Gordon Ramsay: Hey listen, you two. You! [to David Bowie] No one’s going to buy those stinking goblet drinks unless you [raises a finger] use fresh, yeah, local ingredients; [raises another finger] clean up this slop, yeah, fingerprints on the glahsses, disgusting; and three: seasoning. And you! [long beat; then, to Phil McGraw] Rubbish.

Dr. Phil McGraw: Oh, he says it’s rubbish! Well, there, mister, I’m not going to waste my time helping you. You can go back to your poisoned liver and your nasty attitude.

David Bowie: Both of you, beware. I have been generous up until now. But I can be cruel.

Tess: Generous? What have you done that’s generous?

David Bowie: Everything! Everything that you wanted I have done.

Dr. Phil McGraw: Is he goin’ off in a Spaceman direction? Man, I know a guy who dropped acid to that album all the time. Not me. A friend of a friend.

David Bowie: [circling them] You asked that I come to dinner, and I came to dinner. I have re-ordered time, I have turned the world upside-down and I have done it all for you! I have exhausted myself for this dinner!

Tess: We haven’t even sat down to it though. And you were super-late. And believe it or not, those two were getting along fine until you showed up.

Dr. Phil McGraw: I just don’t like the disrespect I get from Chef Ramsay. The attitude.

Chef Gordon Ramsay: All right. Yeah. Listen: how would you like to be spoken to, then.

Dr. Phil McGraw: Just drop the insults, take a deep breath, and take a darn hard look into your soul before you start callin’ people a mule! It’s simple! Just don’t do it!

Chef Gordon Ramsay: Aw, f*** me. F*** me!

Tess: Gordon, Gordon seriously. That’s just the way he is.

Robin: [from the dining room] I’ve been trying to say, he has your cookbook!

Dr. Phil McGraw: Robin, hey, lady, I didn’t ask your opinion! Shut it for a second!

Robin: Chef Ramsay, he’s your biggest fan! I heard him say that if he could do for people what you do for the restaurants in “Kitchen Nightmares” —

Dr. Phil McGraw: [turns red] Robin!

Robin: He said you were a real man, Chef Ramsay.

David Bowie: A real man. How dreary. How dull.

Chef Gordon Ramsay: You said that, did you.

Dr. Phil McGraw: Maybe.

Chef Gordon Ramsay: What, because I yell.

Dr. Phil McGraw: I think it gets through to some of ‘em, the tough love, sure.

David Bowie: It’s just generally obnoxious.

Tess: I agree, actually.

David Bowie: Then why did you invite him to your dinner party, Tess?

Tess: Oh, he makes really great pappardelle.

David Bowie: Then I propose we eat it, and then I’ll paint our bodies with glitter and we can roll about on the shag carpet, dreaming of Mars.

[Tess and David Bowie depart to sit in the dining room. Dr. Phil McGraw sets up two chairs in the entryway, facing each other, props a little flip cam up on a coffee table, focusing it on the chairs, and presses “record.”]

Dr. Phil McGraw: [sits down; then, to Chef Gordon Ramsay] Have a seat over here, old buddy, and tell me all about where that anger comes from.

Sarah Palin made her way to the Valley View Barnes and Noble on Sunday morning as part of her “Going Rogue” book tour.  About a thousand people lined up around the parking lot to get her autograph.

Some were worried they wouldn’t get in, but Tess Lynch spent the night to make sure she got a good place in line.

“It was relieving because it was really cold and it was really hard last night, but I think it’s going to be worth the wait,” she said.

(via)

Uggggh, why can’t all of the other Tess Lynches step off my internet!!

I have real personal issues with Andy Rooney. Among them:

• He just told me to use “canned chicken soup” to make Thanksgiving gravy.
• He just told me that though “maybe the pilgrims didn’t” make ice cream on Thanksgiving, “I always make my own ice cream, to go along with pumpkin pie.” Sir, you are 100 years old. If you can make an iced tea, I think you’re stretching your abilities. Have a seat, old man.
• He just told me not to use frozen pie crust. Oh, I see, mister. You’re rolling out dough, right after you finish churning your butter and collecting eggs from under your hens?
• This

SEE YOU JANUARY 10TH

the cars — since you’re gone

ledenes:

One of the things that fascinates me the most about the Japanese language are Japanese onomatopoeias. They use them in regular conversation in such a variety of ways that I’ve never seen before.  First of all, they are most often (though certainly not always) a repetition of the same sound twice.  And they do have basic ones like we have in English, for example “gan-gan” is roughly equivalent to “bam” or “bang” in English.  ”Kushan” is the English “atchoo.”  But they get even more specific than that.

“Bisha-bisha” is the sound of liquid continuously hitting a surface, like rain on a window (like “pitter-patter,” although “pitter-patter” can be used to describe things other than just liquid).  ”Kyat-kyat” is the sound an animal or person makes intermittently when it’s excited or in high spirits.  ”Zubu-zubu” is the sound of something soft being repeatedly stabbed or penetrated by something long and thin, like walking through fresh snow (the snow being repeatedly penetrated by your feet).

“Doki-doki” is one I hear and use fairly often.  It is the onomatopoeia for a heartbeat, like the English “lub-dub,” but more specifically a hard and/or fast heartbeat.  And although it represents the sound of a heartbeat, it’s used in regular conversation to describe the feeling of nervousness.  Instead of simply saying “I was nervous,” people will often say “I was doki-doki,” which means exactly the same thing, only it’s much more descriptive of the actual feeling.

And there are so many others that, in the same way, do not describe sounds, but instead certain types of movements, actions, or feelings.  And they can have rather complex meanings.  The word “fuwa-fuwa” is often used to express something that appears smooth and soft, like baby’s skin or a marshmallow.  And to get more complicated, when my kindergartners, inevitably, start to touch and feel my beard, they often say that it feels “funya-funya,” which means something like “soft but inflexible.”  There’s also “nou-nou,” which means acting carelessly despite being in a situation that requires one to act with care.

I was once trying to explain how difficult it is to eat rice with chopsticks when it’s not sticky because it won’t stay together and the person I was talking to taught me “boro-boro,” which describes when something breaks apart and falls haphazardly to the ground, as does rice from chopsticks when it’s not sticky.

What really amazes me is how commonly they are used and how commonly they are understood.  In English, we don’t really use onomatopoeias that often, aside from, like, animal noises.  But in Japanese there are thousands of them, from the sound that boiling water makes to the rough feeling of sandpaper, and they are used all the time (some more often than others, of course).  I have a dictionary that is solely for Japanese onomatopoeias, that’s how many there are.  And I think it’s a really wonderful aspect of the Japanese language.  ”Doki-doki” is much more descriptive than saying “nervous.”  ”fuwa-fuwa” is much more descriptive than saying “soft.”  It makes conversations way more interesting.

I always love to read Lawrence Denes’ observations from Japan.

happy fakesgiving.

wintry trees!!

nedhepburn:

Belle & Sebastian “Your Cover’s Blown” (via laurataylor)

herestothefuture:

metonymic:

via a Basketcase. OMGWTF

“One sells fantasies, the other sells ‘not butter’”

john cale — all my friends (lcd soundsystem cover)

Everything about this ad.